


The Approaching Dawn

by Celestial_Sphere



Category: Free!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-02-27 14:11:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2695931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celestial_Sphere/pseuds/Celestial_Sphere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being alone was never a problem. You find things to do to erase the sadness. But when people start to care, your resolve for loneliness crumbles. You want something more. But can you grasp it? And will it be enough to mend the rifts? </p>
<p>The Iwatobi Swim Team befriends a quiet girl and takes her under their wings. They offer her more than she ever dreamed- friendship, laughter, maybe even love- and in turn, she finds the strength to fight for what she believes in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Cat-astrophic Meeting

               The cattails tickled my palm as I walked past them with my arms outstretched, and I stifled a small giggle. Spring afternoons were my favorite time of day, and today, everything seemed to be in the perfect balance of harmony. The sky was the crispest azure, and the clouds were being carried on a mild breeze that tasted like the ocean just miles from where I stood on the hillside. Even with the sun out, it was still chilly enough to need a jacket, and the brisk spring weather settled like a clammy hand on the parts of my skin the school uniform failed to cover.

                But enough time for dilly-dallying.

                The sun was already getting ready to turn the sky into a swirl of orange, reds, and soft pinks for the afternoon, and not long after that, the moon would pop up and I would be expected back at home, ready to face another sleepless night. Still, there was plenty for me to do until that time. Down on one of the other hills that jutted from the coast up the side of the island were a few feral cats that looked more starved than fed these days, and I had made it my mission to at least keep them company and give the friendly felines some company and food while I had it. A kind grandmother who owned a small shop in the area offered me scraps at a few yen of a price, and I always felt reassured visiting her to grab something for the cats before heading over.

                Leaving my calm meandering behind me, I hiked my schoolbag higher on my shoulder and jogged off towards the inner district. The wind felt nice against my already chilled skin, whipping my chestnut hair over my shoulders or across my face. I forced the wandering tendrils back into place with a quick slick of my hand, and increased the speed just a bit. Running was my freedom. It calmed me, bringing to a place of meaning that held no judgment, no emotion- just space. Wide open space that would let me explore it at any speed I let my legs accelerate to. Everything blurred by me as colors- wheat brown cattails, sky blue space, golden light, gray streets- as I hiked up the hillside to my destination.

                I didn’t stop until I reached Old Lady Tanaka’s home. The elderly woman was already waiting for me, her wrinkled body sitting on a stone outside her store to absorb the last gentle rays of the sun. Her face was pulled into a warm and welcoming smile as I stooped into a bow, huffing for air as I bent over. The light chuckled she breathed when I straightened to fix my wind swept appearance was kind and familiar; I’m sure the sight of me disheveled and heaving for a good breath of air after a decent jog was something she had become accustomed to.

                “Hotaru.” Her feeble greeting was as warm as her smile. “I was beginning to wonder if you were coming today. Haven’t lost interest in those cats yet have you?”

                I returned the smile. “No, ma’am. Thank you for waiting for me. How much do I owe you today for the food?”

                She lifted the bag of scraps with both of her gnarled, weathered hands before shaking her head. “Nothing at all, dear. You’ve paid more than your share for those little felines.” I took the bag and tried to offer a rebuttal to her act of kindness, but she stopped me before I could utter a word. “No, dear, it’s true. Now go on before it gets late and you have to wander home in the darkness.”

                My grin widened a fraction. “Thank you, Mrs. Tanaka. Have a good evening.”

                The skip in my step was undeniably notable as I leapt up the stairs to the residential area. The bag of scraps- mostly small bits of food the kind granny left in the fridge from different meats people didn’t buy- swayed happily against my side as I stopped to call for the cats. As if on cue, three out of the five felines emerged from the alley or bushes alongside the steep stairs, mewing in loud cries. I smiled, stooping down to greet each cat with a scratch between the ears.

                “Meeko, Jin, Lili.” I giggled as they begged for attention. Meeko, the small white cat of the bunch, was trying to jump into my lap, while Jin, a chubby calico, and Lili, a gray Persian mix, began rubbing circles around my legs, their soft fur tickling my bare skin as they curled and unwound around each of my ankles. “It’s good to see you too. Let me sit down and we’ll have dinner, okay?”

                Sitting down was actually a lot harder than you would think. Each cat was still vying for my attention, and between trying to coax them to move and settling down, one never led to the other. In the end I gave up with a bout of laughter, settling myself with a plop as the cats all crowded around the bag of food in my lap. I opened the bag and spread it on the step in front of me, watching the cats jump at the opportunity to grab the tastiest morsels for themselves. Like usual, there were a few cautious growls and maybe a swipe or two if one of the others got too close, but in the end, they were happily munching while I narrated the scenes of my day to them.

                “Today was a pretty decent day, compared to the rest of the semester.” I attempted to sound as cheerful as possible. It was my mantra; no matter how bad things got, if you could brave it with a cheery disposition, maybe it wasn’t as bad as you initially thought. So far, it had gotten me through quite a lot, and today had been no different. “A few of the kids stole my pencil bag and chucked it across the room when I left to grab something for my teacher, and I had to spend the afternoon picking up all my markers and pencils. Plus,” My voice cracked, and I pushed the fake smile higher on my lips. “The slurs on my desk and the notes in my shoe box weren’t so bad as before. You know, foreigner and ‘go back to your home country you monster’ are actually starting to make me laugh. It kind of makes me feel like a girl who came from outer space, huh?”

                The cats didn’t respond. Food was always more important than my troubles, and their inability to sense any sadness in me actually calmed me. I hated when people overreacted over things. Someone hears you get bullied and bam, they immediately come to one of those assumptions: you probably deserved the treatment or some level of needless sympathy. Neither solved the problem or consistency of this verbal and often physical abuse, so I just kept it to myself. Even when days got messier than the little pranks today had accumulated up to, I pressed my lips and never spoke a word. There was no one to stand up for me, and after a while, I stopped looking for help in the form of an adolescent savior. If I couldn’t stand up for myself, how could I expect someone else to do it for me?

                When the food was gone, the cats were ready to be pet again. All three tried to clamber up onto my legs, and after a while, they all managed to make room for each other. The warmth was a little overwhelming, but the purring they all rumbled with made it clear that they were happy and I would just have to stay put for the time being. I stroked each one, trying to give all three an equal level of attention as they laid contently. Apparently, I wasn’t doing as well a job as I thought, and Meeko started to mew, extending his tiny paws out towards my abdomen as he struggled to sit up.

                “What?” I pouted, picking up the cat. He mewed again, his freefalling limbs wiggling incessantly as I held him away from my body. “If you can’t sit still, that’s not going to be okay with Jin and Lili. You have to behave, so be a good kitten and learn from your elders.”

                There was a small crunch in front of me, and all of the cats lifted their heads to look at whatever it was that had disturbed our little world. They all started to mew, jumping off of me as if I no longer mattered. I lowered Meeko to the stairs to gaze at whoever it was the cat had deemed more important than me.

                And there he was.

                A guy, probably around my age, was squatting down, moving to stroke each cat as it approached him without any fear. His shoulders were broad and muscular- I could tell this easily even with the fact that he was wearing a long sleeved polo- and his green eyes twinkled like gems under the ash colored hair that fell across his face. He seemed kind on first glance, but I didn’t know him enough to say it with all certainty. If anything, his presence made me on edge. What if he was from Iwatobi High? It was a likely possibility, knowing the area we were in, and that would make everything very complicated very quickly.

                “Hello, hello.” He chuckled, smiling widely at each cat. His gaze finally lifted, and when it fell on me, it stopped. I could barely manage to smooth my face of any expression- crap, he had seen me! Abort! Abort!- before he smiled at me. “Sorry. Was I interrupting something?”

                I shook my head quickly, waving my hands frantically in front of me to assure him it wasn’t the case. “N-not at all.” I wished I could sound calm. “I was just feeding them.”

                He stared for a moment, before straightening to his full height. God was he tall! He easily dwarfed me as I sat, and I knew that even at my freakishly tall height of five foot nine that would still be true. I thought something about me must have made him think I was strange; well, he did have a lot to choose from if that was the case. My mother came from America, so I had western blood running through my veins. Her clear blue eyes and thick chestnut hair had been passed down to me, as well as her height, though everything else about me resembled my oriental father. Most people around here did a double take when they saw me, and this abnormality gave my bullies plenty to harp about. He too must have wanted to laugh, but when he actually opened his mouth to speak again, his words astounded me.

                “Sorry if this seems rude, but do you go to Iwatobi High?”

I froze, unsure of why he wanted to know that morsel of information. Still, if he had managed to guess the uniform I was wearing without having to see it under my jacket, I knew he must have already had some ideas about who I was. I knew agreeing might lead to other questions, so there was a good minute of silence until I responded. “Yep.”

                “Ah!” He stepped up the stairs, stopping as he reached two steps below where I sat. The smile remained on his face, which confused me, but when he stooped to extend his hand, I was confounded. “I thought you looked familiar. Makoto Tachibana, year two.”

                I placed my hand in his, only to have it dwarfed by the warm mass that made up his own. “Hotaru Tsukino, year one.”

                “Hotaru.” He replied, his green eyes twinkling as we shook hands. After a decent moment he let go and stood at his full height again, beaming at me as if it was really a pleasure to meet up with someone like me. “Thanks for feeding the cats. They’re really friendly with all the neighborhood kids, so we really like having them around. I usually stop to play with them on my way to school in the morning. It’s nice to know someone other than me is looking out for them.”

                I rubbed the back of my neck, completely embarrassed that someone from the high school was actually thanking me for something. The feeling was odd; good words didn’t really seem worth wasting on someone like me. Didn’t he see that I was different? An outcast? He had to have noticed. This guy must have been nicer than I let myself believe, or he wouldn’t have taken the time to say something so genuinely kind.

                “It’s my pleasure.” I couldn’t look at him as the words escaped my lips.

                He chuckled. “Well, I should be going. See you around.”

                I just nodded, ducking my head as he passed by the stairs beside me. His footsteps were steady as they passed me, and I didn’t dare move until the noise of his shoes scuffing against the concrete stairs retreated into nothingness. Just for good measure, I turned around to double check. Sure enough, he was gone. Thank god. I sighed and picked up my schoolbag before standing to my feet, relaxed for the first time since he had invaded my space. No- thank god wasn't exactly right. I stopped as the cats began to curl around my legs again. It was so odd; my first seemingly normal interaction with someone from school made me want it to happen again. My heart seemed to jump, but I was quick to shoot it down. No; it was a coincidence that would never happen again. How long had I been feeding the cats? Months? And this was the first time I had seen him? Seeing him again was not going to happen. 

                But little did I know, a strange string of fate was already tying us together in ways even my wildest dreams couldn't fathom.


	2. Remixing it up

                It was hard not being on edge when I returned to school for the rest of the week. The usual taunts didn’t faze me, but I was glad that their intensity hadn’t gotten worse when they noted how distracted I was. Part of me knew this ceaseless worrying was just a waste of time; who cares if I ran into Makoto again? He seemed nice, and if the cats liked him that much, maybe he was a genuine as he seemed. Still, what if it was just a farce? What if he bumped into me here and I had to deal with another bully from another area of the school?

                Well, my worries didn’t go unanswered for too long. I was cleaning the blackboards in the front of the class after the day was over, taking over the duty for some girls who obviously had better plans. They pretty much barked that it was my turn to clean the board- after the fact that I had already cleaned it once this week- and laughed as they watched me do it without any complaint. I had learned this was the easiest option. The less you put up resistance, the less they would beat you up out of sheer spite. I was getting jerked around enough as it was from their stupid antics- pushing me down stairs, tacks in my shoebox, writing slurs on my items or desk- so the last thing I wanted to do was push them into deeper waters by refusing to do such a mundane task. So I picked up the chalk and rearranged them, then started wiping down the board with two of the large erasers. I had barely started on the task when I heard a familiar voice call out to me.

                “Hotaru!”

                I turned, looking at a smiling Makoto. He had stopped in the open doorway of my classroom, waving a quick greeting at me. There was another boy behind him, looking as bored as anyone could for this time of day. His deep blue eyes darted past me, looking around the room as if he didn’t have anything better to do. Makoto, however, was still staring at me, his liquid green eyes dancing as I managed a tiny smile in return.

                “Cleaning the classroom?” He cocked his head, the innocent question hanging in the silence between us.

                “Mhm.” I was tempted to say otherwise, but it really didn’t matter. “What about you?”

                He jerked his head back to gesture to the dark haired guy beside him. “Haru and I are going to swim practice, then heading out to the cd store to grab some music.”

                “M-music?”

                Oh crap, that’s what it was.

                 Something had been nagging me for quite a few days, and now, I knew exactly what it was. My older brother, Kuon, had told me to go and grab a few cd’s the last time we had chatted, and up until now, I had neglected to go down to the music store over on this island to look those bands up. We were pretty close, despite the thousand miles of ocean that separated us. He was six years my senior, but thankfully one of the greatest brothers someone like me could get.

                Makoto raised an eyebrow before laughing. “Yeah, music. Was there something you wanted? You look like there was something you wanted to say.”

                “U-um.” I stumbled again, not sure if I should say something to him or not. Technically, he had asked, so it was okay to at least answer him honestly right? Or was that pushing it? He seemed genuine in his desire to help me, so I might as well give it a shot. “Well, do you mind looking for Winged Mayhem and Upcut Sansa’s new cds please?”

                “Winged Mayhem? You listen to them?”

                It was clear from the shocked tone of his voice that he didn’t believe me. Yeah, they were a metal band, but so what? Were girls not allowed to listen to stuff like that? “Yeah, um, I guess?” I was trying to sound as unsure as possible, seeing as his reaction made it clear I said something odd. “Why? Is that weird?”

                He blinked slowly, then let out another laugh. “No, no. I listen to them too! That new cd is the best- I got it the day it came out. Most people just don’t know them, so I thought it was cool that you knew about them!”

                “Makoto.” The boy behind him finally spoke up. “We need to go.”

                “Sorry, Haru.” Mako squeezed an apologetic smile to Haru before glancing back at me. “Listen, I have to go. Why don’t you come by Haru’s place around six? We have to do some homework together, so feel free to stop by to pick up the cd’s then. He lives up on top of the hill where you feed the cats; you can’t miss it.”

                Oh, so that’s where he had been heading the first time we had met. Hm. Well, what did I have to lose?

                 “Sure.” I managed a tight lip smile. “See you then.”

                His grin grew, and he waved both of his hands in farewell. I did the same thing, forgetting completely that I was holding two erasers full of chalk dust until it was too late. White dust flew into the air in large clouds from the movement of my hands, and I coughed, caught up in the chalk particles like the idiot I was. Makoto and his friend were still standing in the doorway, and he busted out into full on laugh attack, bending over at waist as if my little blunder had been the funniest thing he’d seen all day. Haru merely stared at me, snorted, and then tugged on Makoto’s arm to pull him away. I could only stand, mortified, a huge blush creeping over my cheeks as they disappeared down the hallway. But after a moment, I realized how stupid I must have looked, and started laughing too. Like so hard where you can barely breathe, and immediately felt relieved at Makoto’s reaction.

                The cleaning took a little longer than I expected, but hey, I had plenty of time to kill. The walk over to the hillside would take about forty-five minutes at a normal pace, so I at least had two hours and half to kill in between now and when Makoto had asked me to stop by. It was weird. This was the first time anyone from the high school- heck, even junior high if I had to be completely honest- had asked me to hang out with them purely because they felt like it. From his attitude towards me, it was clear he didn’t know any of the animosity people at the school felt towards me. Or maybe he did, and didn’t care. Could that really be true, though? I would have thought that people just automatically believed what the general consensus of someone was and took it to be true. People didn’t have anything nice to say about me- a foreigner, a tall freak of nature, a brain with no beauty- so it made sense that people who heard that wanted to stay away from me. Makoto didn’t seemed bother by my odd height, hair color, or body shape.

_He didn’t care._

                Usually that was an odd phrase to feel reassured by, but to me, it was freeing. Finally, someone was giving me a chance. And god, I would do everything not to screw it up. So after double checking the room to be clean as well as one person could physically do, I left the school in high spirits and began my decent from the school grounds over towards my usual afternoon hangout. Part of me told me it would be okay to be early- the clock on my phone said there was still about an hour and half until six- but I wouldn’t just walk over there empty handed. So I stopped by a convenience store located at the base of where the residential area and the business sectors met, rummaging through the snack foods, looking for some good things to buy. I didn’t know what Makoto or Haru liked, so I decided to get buy a little of everything after a good thirty minutes of brain wrecking searching: two boxes of chocolate pocky for sweetness, three bags of seaweed chips for saltiness, and some spicy squid bites as a backup in case the other two weren’t so popular with the guys. I decided to buy a small bowl serving of ice cream to spoil the cats with too, and with my bounty of food, hauled up the hill.

                Mrs. Tanaka was outside, and smiled to me as I passed in a half-jog, half-walk up the hillside. It was Friday, a day when I usually just stopped by to play with cats, so I knew she wasn’t waiting on me. “Hotaru! You seem in good spirits today.”

                “Hello, m’am.” I dipped my head courteously. “I am happy today, so thank you for noticing.”

                She beamed an elderly grin. “Good to hear! I was starting to worry that you were bringing all that food for a night with those cats.”

                “No m’am.” I laughed, my lips pulling into the widest smile I could manage. “I’m actually going to meet up with some.. people.”

                It felt weird to call either Makoto or his shadow a friend, so I settled on an ambiguous term. Still, Mrs. Tanaka didn’t seem to notice. “Oh, good for you dear! Go have fun with your friends; don’t let an old lady keep you for too long.”

                “I always enjoy talking to you.” I reassured her with another dip of my head. “But I’ll be on my way now.”

                She chuckled as I skipped up the stairs, and I couldn’t help but feel in even higher spirits, if that was even possible. The cats were milling around in the open, playing with each other in the darkening sky. March was almost over, but the spring weather wouldn’t be upon us until at least the end of April .It was still pretty chilly, especially at night, but I didn’t mind the chill. Especially not tonight. Even if I was beyond nervous to be alone with some from school- let alone two guys at least a year older than me- I doubly as excited. I mean, they had invited me right? They weren’t trying to meet up later so they could get a group of people together to mock me. At least, I was placing my faith in them to not do something like that.

                “Here you go.” I stopped thinking drearily to pop the lid off the single serve vanilla ice cream. The cats were all crowding around, vying for the prime position in front of me as I placed the dairy treat on the ground between us. A small chuckle of amusement left my lips as they all jutted their tiny mouths for it at the same time, leading to growls and a few paw swipes for supremacy. “Calm down, you guys! There’s plenty for all three of you.”

                They finally settled into a sort of pattern- Meeko diving in with all his small might, only to be nudged out of the way by Lili, who made enough room for Jin to eat at the same time as her. I squatted beside them, smiling contently as they ate without any more argument. The melted ice cream was now all gone, and the cats were milling around me again, mewing for attention before getting a little too curious with the bags of snacks on the ground beside me.

                “Now, now.” I chided, picking Meeko up as he stepped into one of the bags. “Those aren’t for you, silly. I’m going to go meet with Makoto now, and those are for him and Haru. You like them, right? So they must be good people- like really good people who don’t bully others or something horrible like that.”

                The cats just continued to purr and ask for attention, and I shook my head, knowing I really was being stupid. If all I did was think negatively, nothing would change. It was a nice change of pace, so I should be grateful. After giving each cat a good scratch under their furry chins, I continued up the stairs, following it up just a little way longer until I reached the house right beside it. There was a wide patch of unused land before a decent sized home, and I followed the cobblestone walkway to the front door. I double checked my phone to make sure I hadn’t arrived too early, and after noting I was now ten minutes past six, rang the doorbell with a sense of anxiety.

                After a few moments of muffled silence, the door opened. Makoto was standing on the other side of the wooden edifice, a smile pulling at his lips as he took me in. “Hotaru. Glad you could make it.”

                “S-sorry for being a few minutes late!” I squeaked, extending my arms with both bags of snacks out in space between us before ducking my head in apology. “I brought snacks!”

                He chuckled, taking the bags out of my hands. “Thanks. Why don’t you come in? Haru’s in the main room under the kotatsu.”

                “Excuse the interruption.” I murmured, shucking my shoes off at the entrance. From the looks of the other shoes at the entrance, the only ones at the house were two pairs of male tennis shoes. That was weird, I mean, I guess for most people. Neither of my parents actually lived at home with me, but I had assumed I had been one of those rare exceptions you never heard about.

                Makoto split off to go into the room across the kitchen, and I hesitated in the doorway of the sitting room. The other boy was sitting there, thrumming his pencil against the top of the blanketed table, glaring at the homework in front of him like he wished it a very painful death. I wasn’t sure he had necessarily agreed to have me over, so I wasn’t sure if I should bother him. Still, Makoto had said it was alright to join him, so I gingerly stepped into the room and sat myself under the blanket at an angle away from him. His deep blue eyes glanced up as I settled, now expressionless, before he jutted the paper out to me, and pointed to the first unanswered question on the page.

                “Help me.” He stated blankly, tapping his finger at the instructions written just above the string of sentences below it.

                I read the instructions with a sigh of relief. Oh, English translations? This was my specialty. After all, having a western born mother with a native Japanese man meant you had to learn two languages before you could even really understand why. My English, while rusty from being used only occasionally with relatives across the ocean or my older brother, was still easy to use when I gave myself time to think.

                “’The sea air is calm to-night.’” I read aloud, pointing to each word as I pronounced it with a slight accent. “You’d need to put ‘no’ between ‘umi’ and ‘kuki’ - they go together as an adjective and noun in the subject- then everything else should be pretty much the same. Do you remember what ‘calm’ translates to?”

                Again, a death glare at the sheet of paper. “No.”

                I told him, using a few examples in both Japanese and English. He watched me before bobbing a nod of understanding, and began scribbling the rest of the translation for the poem. After a moment he paused, rubbing the eraser end of his pencil against his cheek before erasing and rescribbling one of the middle sentences of the set he had just finished. I watched him work as I curled a strand of hair over my index finger in tight loops until he thrust the paper back in my direction for inspection.

                “Good, good.” I encouraged him, although there were quite a few glaring errors staring back at me. I underlined one of the phrases with my index finger after I unwound the hair around it. “See here? You used the wrong tense- this should be not so far in the past. ‘Had’ in English is past tense, but you think of it closer to the present.”

                He grumbled, erasing the kanji for the verb with a gruff swipe. “This is confusing.”

                “Well, aren’t you glad we invited Hotaru to drop by, Haru?”

                We both turned to see Makoto enter the room, carrying a tray full of the snacks I had brought as well as some tea. He set the bowls out in the center of the kotatsu before extending a cup of hot green tea of each of us. I managed a tiny smile as I took it in my own, watching him carefully as he sat cross-legged in the space to my right. His green eyes were kind as he watched me, and Haru snorted, tapping his pencil back against the paper still in the space between us.

                “I guess.”

                “Don’t mind him, Hotaru.” Makoto must have thought Haru’s emotionless bother me, but it really hadn’t. “We’ve been clearing out the pool all afternoon, so I guess we’re a little worse for wear.”

                I frowned. “Oh. If you two are tired, you should have said something. I don’t want to be a nuisance.”

                “No, no!” He waved his hands in the space between us, his eyes wide in concern. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He rest his hands against his knees, cocking his head to look at me with a small smile. “I just wanted to apologize if we seem a little subdued.”

                “I would never notice something like that.” We shared a smile, until I heard Haru cough. “Um, anyway, why are you cleaning the pool? Shouldn’t it already be cleaned if you guys were supposed to have practice?”

                “We just started the club.” Haru put in, moving to help himself to some of the seaweed chips. “The pool’s been neglected for a while.”

                “Oh! So the swim club is new. You guys must be excited.”

                “Once we can actually swim,” Makoto laughed at whatever face Haru was make, but when I turned to look, he was busy glaring at the homework again. “It’ll all be worth it. We already have a manager and another member who are also first years- Gou Matsuoka and Nagisa Hazuki. Do you know either of them?”

                Their names sounded familiar, but thankfully neither was in my class. “Just by name.”

                “Okay.” He nodded, knowing it was a likely possibility. We all sat in an amicable silence for a few minutes, eating and drinking. I wanted to ask things about them, but before I could ask, Makoto opened his mouth again. “What about you? Have you joined any interesting clubs?”

                I shrugged in between sips of my tea. “Just student council.”

                “Oh wow! You must be really smart.”

                Another shrug. It was one of the smallest club by far, and most of the people in there either ignored me or made me their scape goat when organizational events didn’t go well. I hadn’t expected much different from the group, and if anything, it kept me level headed on what life would be like living with close-minded people. “I don’t really think so.”

                “Well, if you can help Haru, you must be.” Makoto was kind with his response. I looked up, thinking he must have meant it as a joke, but the smile on his face was friendly and honest. “Which means you’ll probably need to help me too. English is not my strong suit, either.”

                We were all submerged into the assignment, and I felt happy to be of some much needed help. We all started laughing as either of the boys tried to read the sentence aloud and stumbled over a pronunciation. I would point out words or strange constructions that they needed to keep watch of, and in the end, even got some of my own homework for the evening done with while the two of them moved on to other subjects. There were some small talk passed between us, and I gave some information on myself that most people didn’t care to know- that my older brother lived abroad in California with his wife of two years, that my mother was a marine biologist and my father owned a machine business for boats and car parts, and that I liked animals. I also learned that Makoto had two younger siblings and had a pretty decent size sack of vintage video games and cd’s he liked to keep up with in his spare time.

                Haru.. well, Haru loved water. And mackerel. And he would only swim freestyle. Outside of the fact that he and Makoto had been friends for as long as they both could remember, and had been a part of a swim team in their younger years as well with one of the other boys they had mentioned briefly, I couldn’t tell you anything else about this strange duo.

                There seemed to be a moment of brief silence, and I felt like either they were tired of talking to me or we had hit a wall of conversation neither felt like getting into. Not wanting to impose in any sense, I decided it was time to take my leave.

                 I gathered up my homework, clearing my throat as the other two sat in a thoughtful quietness. “Well it’s getting pretty dark. I should be heading back, since we still have class tomorrow morning.”

                Makoto looked at the clock on the wall, gasping as he realized it was now almost nine o’clock. “Wow, we kept you long! Sorry, Hotaru.”

                I shook my head as we both stood to our feet. “It’s really not a big deal.” No one else was at home, so it really didn’t matter what time I returned at. Trains ran from Iwatobi to Shinjuro, the city a few stops over on the bullet express where the house was, until two or three in the morning before closing until the next morning. Haru was still sitting, looking a little more withdrawn then before, and I offered him a tiny goodbye. “Um, thanks for having me over, Haru. Enjoy the rest of your night.”

                He just bobbed his head and mumbled a quick response. “Yeah.”

                Makoto was now following me down the hallway, still silent but not as tense as before. There was a small smile on his face as he offered to hold my schoolbag as I put my shoes back on, and I couldn’t help but return the expression, though a little more reserved. I took the bag back from him, bobbing a thankful dip of my head to let him know that I really had enjoyed myself tonight, despite the abrupt change the night had taken in the last few minutes. “Thank you for the invitation over, Makoto.”

                “It was fun!” He beamed a small smile before scratching his head. “I completely forgot what had triggered it but-“ His eyes grew wide as he remembered something, and he panicked as whatever thought had hit him settled into his consciousness. “Ah, the cd’s! That’s right! Wait here. I’ll go get them for you.”

                I watched his lanky body dash down the hallway back into the room we had just been sitting in. There was a muffled conversation between him and Haru, a rustling, and then Makoto was returning, holding a small plastic bag from a local music shop I had stopped into once or twice when I was in the area. He extended it out to me, huffing as he tried to catch his breath, and I took the bag with a grateful twist of my lips.

                “Sorry about that.” He lamented, his green eyes shining in apology as he had a tiny frown lips pulling at his lips. “I already owned the recent Winged Mayhem cd, so I got you that Upcut Sansa cd like you asked and gave you my copy of the other. It should be the right one, but please check just in case.”

                I lifted the shrink-wrapped cd out of the bag, looking at the familiar swirl of color the electro-punk group loved to use for the cover of their albums. “Yep.” I lifted my eyes to reassure him that he had done well. “Thanks for finding it for me. How much do I owe you?”

                He shook his head kindly. “How about you let me borrow the new one and we’ll call it even? I listened to some of the tracks while we were at the shop, and I actually really liked them. You have good taste in music.”

                “Thanks.” I replaced the cd into the bag and raised an eyebrow. “I can get it to you once I download both cd’s. What’s the easiest way to get it to you?”

                “Probably school.” His eyes twinkled as he thought aloud, the smile growing on his face. “But just to be safe, why don’t we trade numbers? It’ll make it easier just in case we don’t see each other otherwise.”

                “Sure.”

                We both rummaged for our phones, and before long had exchanged numbers. After shooting down Makoto’s offer to walk me to the train station, we said our goodbyes and I was on my way out in the chilly darkness. I held the bag of cd’s in one hand, and the other held my cellphone, which was still on my contacts list. I only had Kuon, mom, and dad’s cells in there since receiving this purple sliding phone, but now, Makoto’s name was staring back at me like a string of strange kanji. My first friend? I couldn’t allow myself to say that just yet, but god, the warm feeling of happiness flooding across my chest was as hot as a freshly lit fire. He had been kind to me, and I had smiled- actually smiled- because of someone around my age for the first time in years.

                _Years._

                 The strange realization of my isolation suddenly became clear, and the night became even more precious.

                As I entered the train and waited for my stop, I couldn’t help but feel invigorated. That maybe tonight was just the first string of good changed coming my way. Would I be ready? God, I had to be. This was better than the sorry days I had come to believe were all my life would add up to. That there was a chance that perhaps someone would see the real me and not believe all the horrible things people wanted to peg me as. It was probably wishful thinking, but for the first time in forever, I wasn’t scared of allowing myself to dream for a realistic twist of justice to finally slide my way.


	3. Leap of Faith

“So tasty!”  
We were all sitting outside, enjoy lunch in the mild, early spring air. Yep, you heard me right- we. Makoto and Haru were there, but so was Nagisa, the other member of the swim team the guys were a part of. It was weird, but I had gotten used to the four of us all being together during this time. After meeting Makoto about a week ago to return his cd and give him the one he had asked in return, he had asked me to join them for lunch, and from there, it had been set in stone as a daily occurrence. I had been on edge the first few times, unsure of what the other first year boy would think of me. Still, there hadn’t been anything but kindness from the whole group outside of their usual joking banter, and I finally settled down with a gratefulness that there was normal occurrence I could look forward to on a daily basis.   
Still, I told myself that if I took it all for granted, it would just come back to nip me in the butt after a while. So each morning I would pack an extra-large batch of lunch to share with everyone, and it was always a big success. Makoto usually had a balanced meal his mother- who made it clear she wanted all three of her kids to eat well from what he told us- but the other two guys were usually a little bland in their choice of lunch options. Haru usually had grilled or sautéed mackerel with a simple side of rice to get him through the day, and Nagisa usually scarfed down whatever stuffed bread he could salvage during the lunch rush at the cafeteria.   
The blonde boy, if anything, was the happiest for my surplus of food. He was always the first to exclaim upon seeing my multi-tiered lunchbox, and today had been no different. The exclamation had come as he skewered a fried mushroom with ginger sauce with his chopsticks, and I could only shake my head at his exuberance. Nagisa was obviously the powerhouse of the group, and his energy made up for Haru’s more subdued nature and brought out Makoto’s cheerfulness. I tried to remain aloof to the bubbly attitude he used, but like usual, I caved in after a few minutes of resistance.  
“Thanks.” The smile that graced my face was as cheerful as ever. “But be sure to leave some vegetables for Haru too, okay? You all need to eat a balance diet if you want to swim well.”  
The dark haired boy grimaced, picking at the sesame and soy based pea pods Nagisa had placed in his empty lunch tin. “No thanks.”  
“Be nice, Haru.” Makoto warned him with that motherly attention that he oozed before looking over at me. “You sure your parents don’t mind you cooking all this food for us every day?”  
I shook my head with a tiny smile. “Nope.”   
It wasn’t a lie.   
When they had called last week to check in on me and had heard me actually admit that I had made a few friends this time around, they had been more than happy to wire me some extra spending money to be with the others and have fun whenever we were together. Cooking lunch had been the easiest way to do that and show the guys my gratefulness so I stuck with it. The trade had been one I picked up out of necessity; when no one else was home, I had to find something- anything- to occupy the copious amount of free time the gaping hole of loneliness brought. Not to say that there weren't a few close encounter with a knife, or that I burned my fingers to the point of blisters, but in the end everyone was happy.   
And me? The joy surging through my veins was almost about to make me burst.  
That didn’t mean that the bullying had stopped, but it became a little more bearable in a sense. I used the thoughts of seeing the others and being with them as my mantra when the days got tough and the words from the other kids in my class stung. Still, I was smart enough to keep the guys uninvolved. None of them could do anything to solve it, so saying anything would just complicate the matter and make everyone uncomfortable. I had kept it to myself for years, and now would be no different.  
“Good.” Makoto helped himself to another small bean curd cake, smiling at the sweet flavor I had learned he enjoyed so much. “Speaking of swimming, our practices are getting better.”  
“Really?” I turned to look at the group with a slow blink of my eyes. “That’s great news.”  
“Right?!” Nagisa chimed in, his grin wide as he rocked back and forth on his heels. “Mako-chan and I haven’t swam in practice for a looooong time, but Haru-chan was back into it like he hadn’t miss a beat.”  
Haru just shrugged, finally popping one of the vegetables into his mouth. “I like the water.”  
“Yes, yes.” Makoto laughed. He munched on another of the cakes before grinning at me. “It’s great that we get the chance to swim together. If we had one more member, training for events with a full team wouldn’t be a problem.”  
Nagisa pouted, looking at me with those big mulberry colored eyes like a lost puppy dog. “If only Taru-chan was a guy. It would have solved all of our problems!”  
“Yeah, right.” I countered with a roll of my eyes. “I can’t swim very well, so I would have been a hindrance to you as it is. Are you sure there isn’t anyone who wants to join?”  
Makoto shook his head sadly. “We’ve tried everything- posters, talking to people, even incentives like little knick-knacks- and still nothing. Nagisa thought he had a chance with one of the first year students, but so far, he’s turned us down every chance we’ve asked.”  
“Ryugazaki-kun would be a perfect fit!” Nagisa cried, throwing his hands into the air as if the thought of not nabbing him was a horrible crime. “He meets the main requirement anyway!”  
I paused, knowing the name had come up in my own classroom. There was brief, hazy memory of some guy with glasses with cold eyes and his nose stuck in a book, but other than that nothing. Still, he was in my class and saw the wreckage that happened to me almost every day, so I feigned ignorance and echoed his unclear reply. “Main requirement?”   
“A boy with a girlie name.” Makoto offered a half-lipped smile. “You must have noticed it by now.”  
I paused to mull it over. Was that really the case? I really hadn’t paid much attention up until now, but since he mentioned it.. it really was true! Nagisa noticed the shocked look blooming on my face and busted out into a fit of uncontrollable giggles before throwing his arms around me. “Taru-chan is so silly! Did you see that face? She didn’t even notice until a second ago!”  
“Hush.” I pushed him away with a brute shove of cool indifference, though the embarrassed blush on my face said otherwise.   
“Anyway,” Makoto put in as Nagisa settled back into his spot with a dejected air. “We’re still looking into any other options we can think of. So if there’s anyone you think would want to join, please ask them on our behalf, Hotaru.”  
Not like it was actually going to happen, but I promised him anyway. “Sure.”  
He and Nagisa made a sound of excitement, and began chatting to me about all the fun events they could enter once they found another member. Haru was silent as usual, munching on the last pea pod in his dish as if he could care less about swimming as a full team. The dark-haired boy seemed withdrawn on the topic, and while the guy was usually withdrawn on most things, I thought that perhaps not being able to swim as a team really did make him sad. As much as I hated to block out Makoto and Nagisa’s talk for the time being, I made a vow to myself to try to talk to Ryugazaki and see if maybe there was some small push I could give to help them out.   
So once we finally said goodbyes and Nagisa parted ways with me outside the three first-year classrooms they had us sorted into, I scanned my classroom for the aloof glasses guy. Sure enough, he was sitting in his desk at the inner corner of the room, reading a book. People were starting to file into the classroom, laughing as they caught sight of me just staring blankly in that direction, and I felt my courage waver under their gazes. What if he somehow got involved because of me? Was it even worth asking about? Or would he just ignore me like he always did?  
No, I owed it to the guys to at least try. They had all tried so hard to find one last member, and if I didn’t at least try on my own, this sense of guilt would follow me every time we were together. I marched forward with confidant footsteps until I stood a little ways alongside his desk. He turned the page of the novel- something I noted was on theoretical terminology needed for pole vaulting- before he looked up to notice me staring at him. His eyes widened, and like usual, I noted a hint of fear and apprehension there. I knew he didn’t like me; it had been evident by the way he had passed by me without a note of acknowledgement to the ignorance he, like a lot of the other students, feigned when the bullying took place.   
“Can I help you?”  
I bobbed a quick nod. “Please reconsider joining the swim team.”  
“What?” He closed the book with a tiny pop before eying me with weary irritation. “Let me guess: Hazuki sent you to pester me.”  
I shook my head slowly. “I did it of my own accord. It would make everyone great happiness if you joined.”  
“And what about me? I’ve already joined the track team. Doing both clubs would be a waste of time. Besides,” He lifted his glasses with a look of derision. “Swimming is not beautiful.”  
As tempted as I was to laugh at his strange reasoning, it wouldn’t help the cause. Besides, the group of bullies was entering the room- loud and obnoxious with their conversation and haughty laughter like usual- and the last thing I wanted was for them to give him any trouble for talking to me when I had started it. So I gave him a tiny smile, and spoke what I hope would seal the conversation with the most positive light I could. “Assumptions can be broken when you open your mind to new possibilities. But you have to at least try first.”  
He frowned as I turned away, but I couldn’t help but hope that it was just a façade he used to cover up his true feelings on the matter. People didn't like taking sides in this whole ordeal, and made a point of only joining in when the group thought they needed to rile the class up in order to provoke me into doing something. It never worked- I learned to keep silent and pretend it was something I was just imagining- but the group remained steadfast and attempted to bombard me every chance they got. Luckily for me, the group had already noticed my odd behavior and was making a point of it for their own enjoyment without bringing Rei into it. They were quiet, odd for their usual noisy banter for the middle part of the day, and I scurried past them to reach the safety of my desk. My head ducked down, terrified for the first time since I had returned back into the classroom, and that was when the laughter started up.  
“Oh god!” One of the girls drawled in between snarling laughs. “Did you see that? The foreigner got turned down by Ryugazaki. How sad. She really should learn no one wants anything to do with her.”  
“Seriously.” Another guy put in, and I could feel their hateful stares on my back as I put my lunchbox away and crept into my seat with my head ducked. “She’s disgusting. No one in their right mind would want anything to do with her.”  
Maybe they were right. Maybe they weren’t. After all, hadn’t Makoto, Nagisa, and Haru (well, maybe not Haru) chosen to do things with me when I hadn’t asked? They were kind to me, kinder than these close-minded idiots who couldn’t see beyond their own fear and prejudice. To the bullies I would always be an outsider. But to those guys, I was starting to become a welcomed addition, and I’d do anything to make sure they received my thanks for as long as they would have me. These bullies had nothing on that, and if Ryugazaki was as smart as he appeared to be, he would realize that too.  
***  
I hadn’t expected it to happen- well, at least not so quickly. My phone started buzzing as I rounded the hill up to feed the cats that same afternoon, and I glanced at the name flashing on the display screen. Makoto. I raised an eyebrow at the phone as it continued to vibrate, knowing it was odd for him to call me out of the blue on a school day. Anyway, I wasn’t going to let my curiosity get the best of me, so I answered it as calmly as I could.  
“Hello?”  
“Hotaru, it’s me, Makoto!” His voice was ringing with as much joy as a ray of sunlight. “Great news- Rei’s decided to join the swim team as a temporary member after all!”  
Huh? Rei? Oh, Ryugazaki-kun!   
“Really? That is great news!”  
“I know!” He laughed, the noise echoing against my ear without any restraint. “You really helped. Thank you so much, Hotaru.”  
I paused on the step, shocked by the turn in the conversation. “Huh? What do you mean?”  
“Rei said it was thanks to you that he decided to be a temporary member until he decides what he really wanted to do. I really don’t know how to thank you enough.”  
I paused to nibble on my bottom lip in a nervous manner. After the initial conversation earlier, it felt as if I had only shoved Ryugazaki farther away from the swim team than anything else. But if he had told Makoto I had helped him, it had to be the truth, right? “It really wasn’t that big of a deal.” I reassured him, a little alarmed that he was so grateful for such a simple act. “You guys deserved another member. I’m happy knowing all your hard work isn’t going to waste because of it.”  
His chuckle echoed heavily in my ear. “True. Well, I’m not holding you from anything? Sorry for calling out of the blue!”  
“It’s fine. I was just on my way to feed the cats.”  
“Eh?! Are you in the neighborhood right now?”  
I blinked, stopping at the foot of the stairs a little past Mrs. Tanaka’s shop. Was he talking about Haru’s neighborhood? That was the only thing I could think of- I still had no idea where exactly Makoto lived- so I decided to give him an unclear answer. “Ah, I guess?”  
“Okay! See you soon!”  
He hung up before I could ask what he meant.  
I stared at my cellphone for a moment, unsure of what was going on, and decided whatever it was, it wasn’t important right now. He had said he would see me soon, but what did that mean exactly?   
Well, sure enough, he bounded into sight from one of the side walkways that branched out from one of leveled areas in between the sections of the stairs. His green eyes grew wide as he turned to look at me, and the smile that pulled on his face was just as grand. I walked up the few stairs so we could stand on the same level, smiling lightly at his sudden appearance. So this is what he had meant by see you soon! I was about to ask him if he had been heading up to Haru’s house, but he grabbed me in a tight hug, spinning me around in a circle with a small sound of excitement that left my feet hanging off the ground at its sudden intensity. I squeaked, completely caught off guard by the action, and ended up clinging to his neck for dear life. My face was soon pressed into the hollow of his neck, and I was immediately aware of everything radiating off his skin. He smelled like chlorine slightly, probably a reminder of his swim in the pool earlier, but also of something musky and manly. It was comforting and inviting; if I had been scared earlier, I couldn’t complain now.  
“Sorry, I got carried away.” He laughed as I was settled safely back on the ground. The grin on his face was jovial- a bright flash of teeth that spoke of pride and excitement as he squeezed his eyes shut in blissful reverie- as if the thought of thanking me was something that brought him great pleasure. “It’s just so great! We’ll finally be able to at least feel like a full team for the first time in years. And it’s all because of you and Nagisa’s efforts, so be expecting lots of praise from all of us for your good work.”  
I couldn’t help but blush at the sentiment. All I had done was talk to Ryugazaki. Anyone could have done that, so this unbridled praise seemed completely unnecessary. “I think he was already sold on the idea of the swim team, so he just needed a little push. I just happened to be at the right place at the right time; any of you could have easily done what I did.”  
“But it didn’t happen that way.” Makoto bopped me on the nose with his index finger, his smile amicable as he glanced down into my eyes. “You deserve the credit for doing something when none of us asked you to help, Hotaru. It’s only fair.”  
I reached up to cover my nose, hoping it would also serve for a barrier from him noticing my burning cheeks and dorky grin of amusement. “Sure.”  
He smiled again, his eyes twinkling in that insatiable joy that seemed to radiate from him every time I was in his presence. “Well, I need to be heading back now. My family was just about to sit down to dinner so I promised I’d be back in a few minutes.”  
“Okay.” I nodded, adjusting my shoulder bag with a small shrug of my shoulder. “Enjoy the rest of your night.”  
I watched him jog back off in the direction he had come from, smiling lightly as his lanky body receded into the row of houses outside my view. Today really had been outside of the box, but it had been an effort well needed by all the precious people who had let me into their lives. Without them, I would have been all alone right now, sitting with a bunch of cats as I tried to cover my pain with a few forced laughs at my own expense before plunging headlong into a bottomless pit of self-deprecation.  
By being with them, by helping these oddly wonderful guys, I was given meaning yet again, and a real reason to laugh. Despite the bullying, the loneliness when school ended, and the fear I couldn’t shake off at night, life was finally fun. I could finally wake up in the morning knowing there was something to look forward to beneath the tiresome chaos, and I could rest my head chanting that tomorrow things would be just the same, if not better.  
And I intended to keep it that way. Who would be stupid enough to spiral headlong back into hell when they'd been given a chance to climb to the light?


End file.
